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I have spent the past 15 years of my life in some kind of school, and my mantra has been "when I graduate, I'm going to do THIS," and "when I graduate, I'm going to go HERE," and everything in my life ended in the year 2008. This is it! The culmination of my entire existence! It's the finish line, the grand prize, end of the rainbow, the victory. And then my friend said to me (as friends will), "well, what are you going to do afterwards?"
And I don't know. Some people have plans for after they graduate; some people will move into apartments, some will move in with significant others, some will start a new job, some will turn an internship into a full-time position, and some will sit at home and watch TV for 3 months. I hate to say I'll probably fall into that last category, but come on. I'm a little worn out.
I do know one thing that will happen after I graduate. It happened after I graduated high school and after I turned 21-all my things will become new. I'll walk into my room and see every book, picture frame, dried rose, and Star Wars micro-machine (don't judge), and I will remember the first day I acquired them. I'll think to myself, "huh…this necklace existed when I was 15, and now it's still here after I graduated college. I wonder if it knows." I'll touch the little things I've hoarded, my childhood treasures, and I'll wonder if they see a change in me. I'll wonder if the tiny pieces of my life are aware that my life is now completely different.
After I graduate, I'll want to tell everyone I meet. In the grocery store buying my sour Altoids and granola bars, I'll casually slip to the cashier that I'm a real person now. To the guy taking my money in the parking garage, I'll feel the overwhelming need to tell him I've made it. I will no longer just drive-I'll drive as a college graduate. I'll no longer just fold my clothes; I'll fold clothes as a college graduate. I'll no longer make plain pasta for dinner-I'll throw some cheese on there, because I'm a college graduate and I can't go about eating like a kid anymore.
After I graduate, I'll probably see the possibilities of my life spread out before me like some vast and unlimited sea, unencumbered by dates and paper deadlines. I'll probably feel a sense of freedom I have absolutely never felt before, and it'll probably terrify me while leave me wanting more. After I graduate, I'll probably know what it really means to be floating on air, and it'll be a nice cushion, a layer of mental bubble wrap against the impact of self-doubt and aimlessness that is sure to follow.
So far I'm doing fine. The thought of graduation is exhilarating, though I know it is terror, thinly veiled. But a life lived in fear is a life half lived, so all I have to say is this: let's get this party started.
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