You nibble your scone, read the Times and finish your last drop of coffee at Evergreen. He stares, walks to you and taps your shoulder. You and Mr. Interested have a long chat about your adoration for Barack Obama until it's time for you to head to class. You think back to that morning during Bio class and wonder-does he like me? He never said, "I like you a lot," but there was something in his body language that made you think so.
This is where non-verbal communication aka body language comes into action when it comes to sending messages. Body language, "repeats our verbal. A man may say, 'I like you' and his body language adds to that or he may not say anything and his body language may say 'I like you,' said Dr. Timothy Cline, professor of communication arts at College of Notre Dame.
When a man likes a woman, it starts with physical attraction, according to the Learn Body Language Web site. Cline, who received his doctorate at Pennsylvania State University, has studied interpersonal communication in the workplace and in families. He states that psychologists have developed theories on verbal and non-verbal behavior for physical attraction. Psychologists believe that accessibility, proxemics (which is the study of space) and similarity of values play a role in initial interest. So, when Mr. Interested from Evergreen saw your face from a distance, sat by you and conversed with you for an hour: it means he's hooked.
Some women can't tell if a man truly fancies them through body language alone though. Senior Caroline Munley from Notre Dame couldn't even interpret her boyfriend's body language, even though he first liked her in high school. " We met when I was the manager for his football team, "Munley said. "What brought us together was generally small talk."
Sometimes, men won't directly say, " Hey babe, I like you. Let's date," since not all men are extroverts. However, non-verbal cues of eye contact, touch and proximity; are often more intense messages than if he were to yell your number at a crowded party.
His penetrating eyes
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, " The eyes of men converse as much their tongues," and he knows the eyes have it. When men stare, they communicate interest toward a woman." If eye-to-eye contact is maintained for more than a few seconds, then usually it means he's interested," Cline said.
Eyes are expressive and are associated with power and mystery. Eye contact is also one of the primal ways of communication that expresses a vast number of emotions such as love, joy, pain and suffering according Audrey Nelson, Ph., who wrote a book on the subject.
Amber Wood, also a senior at Notre Dame, studied abroad in the Dominican Republic last year and noticed that the men who were interested grabbed her with their eyes, " They had direct eye contact and you can see the desire in their eyes. If you return eye contact to them, then your eye engagement tells them that you're into them as well."
It's all in the touch
When sophomore Anisha Myers from Notre Dame goes out to a party, she can tell when a guy is into her: " If he's quiet and he shoulder nudges you, then he wants to get to know you," Myers said. "But if he's disrespectful, he'll test your limit by grabbing you a lot and that means he just wants what's in your pants." A simple touch, caress or even a lingering handshake communicates interest, attraction and want according to Nelson. Even if his hands sweat, take it as a good sign that you make him perspire.
How close is too close?
Besides coffee shops, sports outings, parties, concerts and clubs are perfect places for men and women to get close. In a first date when the boy picks up the girl, the car ride tends to be the most awkward time. According to Cline, the girl usually first sits far away from the edge as possible due to nerves. However, when both boy and girl are at a basketball game they tend to hold hands, high-five for a slam dunk and sit close by the bleachers. So, first date nerves that equal wide spaces between man and woman can diminish into couples being stuck to the hip.
Just read her face
" I swear, women are difficult as is," Ben Tylka from University of Maryland said. "They try to hide how they feel, but I can always tell by their faces. They have this cheesy smile and large eyes when I know they want me." Females are known to be more physically expressive than men according to the Learn Body Language Web site, and they use their facial expressions to communicate their feelings. Sometimes men need cues when it comes to determining if a girl likes them. " Hey, if she votes for Obama and doesn't glare at me, then I'd totally take her out," Tylka said.
Men may not always say it but the message is in their eye contact, caress and physical closeness to whomever they fancy. The same goes with women, but who will make the first move?
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